Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
