She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
