she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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