I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
