She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
