i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize