I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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