man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
