There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I want her autograph on my taint
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize