I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you had me at cake vodka
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
