I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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