he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
