Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize