Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw a hot homeless man
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
