if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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