in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
