if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
