i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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