:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
3pm strippers are depressing
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
