I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
