just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
