i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
