a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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