I need help removing her.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
