remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the condom got lost in my hair
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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