JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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