....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
