I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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