I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
