Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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