the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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