are you still at the devil's house?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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