i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
