At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
