Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
