who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
