Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She announced her abortion via fbk
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
