Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
