I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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