Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you had me at cake vodka
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
