I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think i have two assholes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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