i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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