Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
