I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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