I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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