do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
