I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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