im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
