My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
