So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
