1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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