Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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