Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
