hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
