I hate your face
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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