Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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