So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You're like the curious george of whores
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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