My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
operation have a gay friend backfired
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
