So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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