i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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